i’m building this playlist as i’m writing and thinking and generally reflecting on the past 24 days since i’ve written last. listen to it if you want while you read.

i told my therapist today that even though i’ve been going through a lot of (sh*t) stuff, i’ve become more self-aware. i’m more cognizant of what i need and how i need to make myself feel better. i’m in new york city for 10 more days before i go ‘home’, and then i start school and hopefully everything’s back to normal again.

i explained to someone the other day why i’ve been anxious– from moving to LA, living by myself, doing things by myself for myself, having a full time job… he said, “isn’t that everything you wanted?”. and yes, it was everything i wanted and still want. it took me a second to figure out why things weren’t as great as i had expected them to be.

i was excited for change. big change. and yeah, i created the biggest change i could possibly contrive for myself. every single facet of life changed once i moved. for one, where i was; more importantly, who i was with (and who i wasn’t), what i spent most of my day doing, the expanded control i had over the minute choices in my day, new earthquakes, new injuries, new health concerns. problems.

the change was explosive. gut-wrenching. and, in a lot of ways, problematic. i assumed i was ready for these adjustments, seeing as they were, in fact, “everything i wanted”. but, the fact that i eventually begged for an escape back to new york proves that i wasn’t as prepared as i had originally thought myself to be.

i was not ok. now i’m ok. i have breathing room. i keep using that word in conversations. ‘breathe’. i can breathe. i’m turning 20 next month and 6 weeks ago moving out to la i thought i was 19 going on 27.

yeah, i feel back to being 19.

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“i don’t wanna go home

shall we drive from zone to zone?

i wouldn’t do this on my own”

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i know a lot of you check in on here often to see what i’m sharing even though i’m pretty infrequent with posts. if you want to be updated of when i do write on here, you can sign up for a newsletter from me so you don’t have to be disappointed when you drop by and nothing’s changed.

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personally, the merry holiday feelings do not begin until my family and i pick a christmas tree. in this sentence i effectively used diction; from the use of the word 'pick', we can extrapolate that izzy selectively chooses her trees, meaning that she rejects all other trees until she finds the perfect one. we once again witness the human condition to strive for perfection, even if that means hurting the feelings of poor trees in the process. 

BAM. english analysis studying done. QED. oh look, geometry studying done, too. 

this week is crammed with before-break tests, quizzes, and assessments– too many? never... but it's overwhelming at times. during my study sessions and work periods, i enjoy listening to covers of classic holiday songs and ballads to keep reminding myself that the winter break is near.

as i was saying before i went into my tree analysis, today we drove upstate to select the perfect arboreal figure. now in the Rael family, there's a lot that goes into consideration when choosing a tree: its height, its color, its fullness, its ability to fit in the stairwell, its scent, and other beneficial factors. we ended up deciding on a full, 11-foot tree with green pine needles and a blue-grey underside, while also having an extremely prominent pine-y smell. i say it's perfect. truly perfect. it's pretty bare at the moment, but it will be filled with ornaments by tomorrow morning.

let the holidays begin.

have a lovely sunday, everyone. 

p.s. below is the playlist that i listen to during the holidays. enjoy.

p.p.s. happy last consecutive date of the century.

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what a murky weekend it's been here in new york city. besides the wind chills and constant drizzle, it's been a pretty good one. my mom and i celebrated this ominous weather by baking espresso chocolate cake and fig & walnut biscotti. yes. that's right. TWO baked desserts. 

we're still making our way through the (best-ever) chocolate cake before it goes bad. which will be easy.

since this blog is still in it's inception, this post is the first of its kind. moodboards.

colors, inspiration, lovely things, and basically anything that catches my eye when i scroll through my pinterest and/or tumblr feed. 

this moodboard is inspired by this northeast sprinkle storm. dark + natural tones, indoor baking, and fresh spring flowers, and of course, sweaters. and the somewhat mellow weather.

sweater / sea / brittle / coat / petals / mountains / fish tails

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besides this moodboard, i'd like to introduce you to someone who i've been following for a while. 

valentina, also known as tuna (boon), has become an instagram sensation.

other than being the only thing that my LA friends talk about, man, can she sing. 

this girl has so much talent, it's un-explainable.

even though i do not know her personally, she seems like such a flawless character, and it would be pretty amazing if i met her the next time i visited los angeles.

which will be soon, i hope.

please listen to one of her soundcloud posts, it's very lovely.