blondies!

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hey? what's up?? 

guess what i've been up to this past month or so?

cooking

getting a job at my favorite restaurant

sleeping in (sorta)

walking late at night with my mom

reminiscing about new mexico

and other tidbits. 

something i've cooked/baked-experimented last week was blondies.

i love blondies. i actually don't even remember the last time i had a real blondie. like butter, flour, milk chocolate chunks-- the works. i'm pretty sure when i was little, my mom used to throw in white chocolate and butterscotch chips too. a super blondie, if you will. pretty sure it was these ones...

but these are different. they're also super blondies, but on the other side of the spectrum... not of extravagance but of...healthiness? 

hope i didn't lose you there. 

i've been trying to experiment with new flours and whole foods ingredients and consequently came up with this thing. they're suuuuupuer moist, suuuuuuper healthy, suuuuuper simple (if you have the right ingredients). they're borderline aip-compliant with a few substitutions (if that's your vibe). but regardless, they're incredible and i'm glad i still have 5 more squares in my fridge right now. 

there's also a secret ingredient in them (hint hint at my whole foods experimentation): plantains. or rather, a singular plantain. it adds the moistness of a banana without getting any banana-like flavor at all. aka it tastes like a (neutral-tasting) normal blondie with a health kick to it. bomb.

things i like to hear.

anyway, here's the recipe. it's just an excuse to try out tigernut flour and plantains. you're welcome.

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flaked sea-salt plantain blondies

serves 9

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what you do

1. preheat oven to 350f. line a 8x8 baking pan with parchment paper (can be hanging off the sides). i do a double-check-non-stick spray on top of the parchment paper, just in case. 

2. in a blender, combine all wet ingredients: peeled plantain, eggs, vanilla, coconut yogurt, and coconut butter until completely smooth.

3. in another bowl, sift dry ingredients: tigernut and coconut flour, beef gelatin, baking soda, baking powder, and salt. mix until combined. 

4. pour wet mixture into the dry and use a spatula to fold wet into the dry mixture. carefully fold in chopped dark chocolate (saving a small handful for the top). 

5. pour (or rather scoop since it's quite thick) batter into lined baking pan and spread evenly. press your remaining small handful of dark chocolate chunks onto the top for ultimate pretty-blondie action. sprinkle flaked sea salt on top for ultra-ultimate pretty-blondie action.

6. bake for 35 minutes or until center is cooked and there is a golden top and a toothpick comes out clean when pierced in the center. 

7. let cool out of the hot pan on top of a cookie rack. make sure to let cool for at least 30 minutes before cutting. 

8. enjoy!

what you need

• 1 yellow plantain (mine was ~150g)
• 2 eggs
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract (or 1/2 teaspoon vanilla powder if AIP)
• 1/4 cup coconut yogurt
• 2 tablespoons coconut butter, melted
• 1/2 cup tigernut flour
• 1/4 cup coconut flour
• 1 tablespoon beef gelatin
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon salt

• 6oz 80%+ dark chocolate, roughly chopped
• flaked sea salt

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"i am right now"

System.out.println("Hello, World!"); 

as the school year is inching (very, very slowly) to a close, everything else seems to be picking up. i see why, but at the same time i'm getting incredibly overwhelmed by work and school and not being (in my mind, creatively) productive. 

the thing that's been on everyone's mind is college. college or school. school and college. school in preparation for college. college in preparation for beyond. beyond in preparation for... even further beyond? i'm getting overwhelmed by that too. 

it feels like every adult asks me, "where do you want to go?" expecting me to have a few universities or professions on my mind. i usually say, "i don't know," and they say, "okay" and stop the conversation. even though my seniority "status" will finally be attainable in just a few more weeks, it's difficult for me to look as far ahead as everyone expects me to. 

like, yeah, i'm going to be heading off to a college in just a few more than 365.3 days, but then again there's still 365.3 days until then. maybe ask me, "what next? what are you focusing on now?" while i'm still getting to that point. i mean, usually i have to ask to myself that anyways. 

because i really mean "i don't know" when i say "i don't know" because i don't... know. i'm almost eighteen now. people tell me that i have my goals straight and my life pretty much figured out, but i don't want it to be like that. 

i can say that i know who i want to be, but not where i'm going to be. right now, i'm right here, with a research paper, a critical analysis paper, 3 AP exams, and a literature exam on my hands. what's next is what's right now. i'm dealing with what's right now.

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getting to where i'm going

in my english class, we were given the task to create something inspired by walt whitman's "song of self", which described the individual's search for her own identity. our project was supposed to most authentically represent ourselves in a physical, verbal, or visual medium.

naturally, i chose photography.

here was my introduction to my project:

"it was hard for me to figure out what aspect of my identity i wanted to talk about when the medium in which i wanted to present my project is my identity. the next most logical thing i could about is how art has become a part of who i am. the answer is new york city."

enjoy

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it's hard to stay positive

image by bydvnlln

image by joel

image byfayznasir

my poster for the women's rights march

`````

i've never wanted more than

to fight back

to call back

to protest

to represent me, to represent others, to represent who we are

it's hard to stay positive in a time like this

it's hard for me to have hope

but this is the time when i stand stronger

and i am stronger every day

i will fight, i promise.

izzy

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first snow

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dear you,

we got our first christmas tree with jenny (our dog) today. 

it was snowing and foggy and eerie and empty and beautiful.

jenny, who was born in the cayman islands, is obsessed with the snow.

she's like us: beach-born, energetic, and overall kind of crazy. it was no doubt she'd love the snow as much as q and i do. 

we got a twelve-foot tree. it was so big the guys who owned the little tree farm had to use a tractor to drag it to our car. it smelled like christmas all the way home.

it smells like christmas in our house now.

i hope i got good pictures.

happy holidays.

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and, thank you

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yogurt panna cotta . pumpkin pie and ginger ice cream . roasted yams and delicata with yogurt and pomegranate . kale salad with persimmons and tahini dressing . roasted green beans and whole grain mustard . mashed potatoes . stuffing . turkey . gravy cranberry sauce with jalepeños . roasted cauliflower steaks with capers and olives and parsley . berry crisp .

i am thankful for life

i am thankful for opportunity

i am thankful for people and family and friends and love

i am eternally thankful for everything

enjoy your holidays 

be thankful for everything that you have

love,

izzy

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a month from then

the human condition is a installation of the works of various artists in an old, 40,000 square-foot hospital. i thought it was cool and weird and unique and gloomy and just beautiful; the pieces brilliantly match the geometric and sharp shapes of the hospital. i just wanted to share its awesomeness.

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as for me, i'm back. it's been 48 days since i wrote my last post. that's a pretty long time. i've been taking a little hiatus from social lately. it's been nice to just not stress about having to curate and post things on all of my platforms. i started junior year 29 days ago. i turned seventeen 19 days ago. i'm a year older since we last talked. 

i've been thinking about this sort of kinetic energy of stress. i think a lot of the time i feed off of other people's stress and they feed off of my stress and other people's stress, and it just becomes this sort of eternal and cyclical exchange of anxiety. i mean, i get it. we're getting older and we have more responsibilities and work and independence. we're almost done with high school. i realize that every once in a while and it just scares me. i love the idea of a new and limitless world. we're practically there.

i've been pretty good about it my monthly freak-outs, though it's taken me almost 3 years to figure it out. i keep reminding myself that i'm okay. that even though i have no control of time and other people and their decisions, i have complete power over what i do and how i perceive and change my community. there's been a lot of broadened thinking lately. i think i've matured a bit from it. 

good night.

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where art and cake collide

images by dunja opalko x wallpaper magazine

i haven't been baking much, even though it's summer time. very much unlike me, but i've been so busy with projects and fun stuff that i think it's okay.

the other day i stumbled upon danish designer kia utzon-frank and her london-based company kufstudios. naturally, there was kufcakes. each cake is in fact edible. kia prints marble texture onto fondant or marzipan before most meticulously folding it over cake. in turn, a beautiful stone effect is created, which freakin' insane. 

the cake itself is equally as stunning, with folds and layers of sponge cake thin enough to create a fine gradient.  "taste is as important as the look, and the cakes should be conversation starters and trigger our curiosity and interaction with each other," their website says. kia uses natural food coloring and fruit juices to dye the cakes. 

i think the thing that utzon-frank said that really spoke to me the most was this: "cake is just another material. if something catches my interest it doesn't matter what it's made of. i think there's a huge freedom in not knowing much about the material i'm throwing myself at, as i then don't know the 'rules' and therefore am more open to experiment."

food = experimentation = art

i wish i could do that.

enjoy your weekend,

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because it was great

i made a video a week ago about my grandparents' neighborhood. 

i went to jazz camp for a week.

i met really cool people.

i discovered new music. 

i took a break.

i spent time with my family.

i'm good. i'm home. let's go. 

i miss them.

happy monday

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i've been watching stuff

1/ on work – ryan o'connor

simple. eccentric. awesome. funny. i love it. i love helvetica. 

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2/ upstate – jorge cuevas jr

15 seconds of joy and beauty.

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3/ onward internet – sander van dijk

the internet is cool. right.

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4/ pulse - traceloops x shigeto

a favorite song + a favorite artist. the perfect video.

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it seems like it's been forever since i last wrote here. it has, actually. i've been busy with my summer job and trying to be creative in other aspects of my life. i'm more confident now. i'm more confident in my life and actions as a creative. it almost feels like i know what i want to do and grow to be in the future. it's crazy. i'm turning 17 in 2 months and even though i always say i don't know what i want to be, i do know what i want to be. i am who i want to be. i think for me, that's really powerful.

good evening.

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my office

where i sleep and throw my clothes and sometimes watch a movie

i killed my plants

where i make stuff

where i keep the messy stuff

where R2D2 lives

where the only pictures i have with my friends are

where i keep a picture of them

where projects die and are born

where clips that don't actually work are #aesthetic

where i keep artwork from first grade

there's just a random donut on my desk

people always ask me what my workspace is like.

it's my room.

it's my creative space #PEACHYS

i live here, i work here, i sleep here. it's my space. there's a lot of art and design magazines and stuff. my mom printed out some of my own photographs so i could, you know, get some inspiration from myself or something. i look back on my 2006 self (aka that painting from the first grade) for sources of creativity. real casual.

my room is a balance of myself. there's a lot of graphic prints and minimalist stuff, but there's also an R2D2 on my pillow, a tardis on my desk, and pictures of planets in my closet. i'm very discreet with my inner nerd, but there are hints of it everywhere.

there are usually more plants in my space. i killed most of them. what a shame.

there are cracks on my wall. some are new, some are old. our building is shifting and the wall closest to my bed looks like it's about to fall apart. it adds character. yeah.

i have a whole turntable space on my credenza. the flash didn't really reflect well on it, so i deleted all the pictures. it's there though. 

i think comfort fuels my creativity + motivation + productivity.

this is common comfort...

too much?

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okay so

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i kind of don't know what to say. 

i've been resting my body a lot. i've been eating well. i'm learning in school. i'm trying to take photos every day. i'm reading. i'm waking up at six o'clock every morning, except on the weekends. i walk home every day at around five. i read the news sometimes. i write sometimes. i'm listening to new music every day. i do my homework. i like to look for new shoes even though i don't need them. i smile. i go out with my friends. i brush my teeth twice a day. i play piano every monday and get out of school 15 minutes early on fridays. i try to walk more because it's nice out. 

i'm doing well. 

i feel like i don't keep up with writing here enough. i know, i know, i'm sorry. but i'm going to change that within the next couple of weeks. i have stuff in store to share, but i'm not exactly quite sure what it's going to be yet. #coolcontentcomingsoon. promise. i'm hoping to get some videos out pretty soon... i just haven't gotten around to it because you know, school and projects and all that fun stuff. but i promise that cool things are underway. 

so i turn this question to you all: what kind of content would you like? more recipes (which would be in summertime)? more film stuff? graphics? art? life stuff? writing? do tell. (seriously, i'd really like to know). 

i'll leave you with "cool things that i've found in the last 22 days" things. haven't done one of these in awhile. 

1/ floating record? could you imagine this in your bedroom? yes? yes.

2/ my favorite little video (i found last week). it's not really about pizza

3/ this pair of very minimalist earrings that i adore

4/ a really intriguing short film on "fangirls"

5/ a steve patch

6/ i forgot about this piece + have been listening it for the past week

7/ my favorite human being doing my favorite human things

have a lovely saturday, everyone.

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i'm so happy

i'm home. the past few days of spring break have been the most relaxed. there was a moment when i actually thought that it was summertime.

i'm happy. i'm so happy, and being so is one of the most askdfklj feelings. it's hard to explain, but i'm sure you've felt this way before. when i'm happy, i get creative. i've made so many little things (including a 'california' video!!!) in the past week alone. 

i even made a little playlist about it. cool. 

enjoy your spring everyone. i'll hear from you soon. promise.

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on film

still from 2001: a space odyssey. my favorite film.

i've spent a lot of time watching films in the past few days. short films, long films, films of my own, i've been watching them. we're on this weird road-trip-not-road-trip trip in california right now, so i've queued a list of little films for the rides. 

i love film (i'm talking about motion pictures here, but i love actual film also). i love the ability to tell a story without words. i hope by now you know that i like to understand things visually, so it shouldn't be surprising when i say that i love movies. 

i wanted to share some of my favorite films that i've found and that i'm currently watching during our car rides. some of them are weird, some inspiring, some cool, some beautiful, but all incredible. they are all worth watching, promise.

i love film. 

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1/ the sound of film . robert marshall

the sounds that often are missed when we replace film with digital media.

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2/ michael cina – a century of artifice . VSCO

a short film on the life of one of my favorite graphic designers.

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3/ august in paris . sage

an eccentric music video with lots of legs and no faces.

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4/ can you read my lips? . little moving pictures

i come back to this video a lot– it explores the difficulty of lip-reading in a world of hearing.

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5/ opening titles to semi-permanent design conferences . marx

a really beautiful opening title to a conference (?). cool. here are the behind the scenes.

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6/ greenland . tim kellner

tim + travel films = awesomeness.

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7/ the uses of envy . lara lee

bold, graphic animations with a bold narrative.

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8/ casey neistat, words of wisdom . jack harries

casey neistat's words of wisdom. what's better than that?

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have a great thursday, everyone.

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a sonnet

By and by we find ourselves afraid
of losing that with which we contemplate:
our mind, our form, our soul, our self, our shade
So easily set free with time and fate
We are the gale that crashes to the rough
Distressed that our opus dissolves beneath
We are afraid our time is not enough
to breathe our breath through lustrous tempest teeth
From technicolor hues to black and white
Our minds do wilt as herbs do in the sun;
Why is that what we fear what we not bite,
For our mind's end we wish not know undone.
     We must exist as though we have none left
     If time is of the essence, then time bereft

a shakespearean sonnet (capitalized and everything!!) for my romantic poetry unit at school (+ a new-ish video that i thought kind of embodied the sound of the poem).

have a lovely thursday, everyone

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what i'm thankful for + VSCO

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i have a lot of things to be thankful for. i am thankful for my family, my friends, my home, my education, and my entire life thus far. i'm thankful for VSCO. 

how i got became involved with VSCO is too long of a story to even begin to explain; but, i think what i wanted to point out in this post is how far they've driven me into the art universe. (and for this, i am eternally grateful). 

the relationship that i have with the people at VSCO are ones that i hope will continue for a very long time. they are kind, intelligent, fashion-savvy, honest, and all-around brilliant people. they've opened so many doors for me in the photography world that i would never have the chance to open myself. i'm doing projects with other awesome companies, i'm helping design things, and i'm being introduced to all of these exceptional opportunities. i have no words to express my gratitude other than "thank you." VSCO helped me get here. their message as a company and as a community helped me form my own ideals and morals about life and creating art.

i am honored to be a part of such an inspiring body of creatives. to know that i have the support of all of these people is such an amazing feeling, and i often forget it. believe me when i say i am thankful for VSCO because i really mean it. truly.

have a wonderful, joyful, and extraordinary thanksgiving, everyone.

with love,

izzy + the raels

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found artists: rebecca martin + blah blah

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the bold + the brave.

for the past couple of weeks, i've been really swooning over vivid, minimalistic portraits and shots. i stumbled across rebecca martin's work and i really thought i'd share with other modern-art-fanatics. the simple shapes, the contrasting colors, the clarity of her work is so fascinating to look at and easy to admire. 

i've realized that good images (in my opinion) are not complicated. they are not overthought or complex, but distinctive and original. sometimes i have trouble applying these values to my work, and it's difficult to switch mindsets when i take photographs or create art, but i learn (with lots of time, unfortunately).

on a very irrelevant point,

i've also realized that i have less and time to write here. i find that i am struggling to find things to write about, what to say, what is interesting, what is not so interesting. i'm not saying i'm giving up here, but rather that i want to apologize for the not-so-in-depth words and not-so-foodie-centered posts. i know you all like those. so, sorry for not posting that many recipes. i'm busy. i'm busy all the time. i'm stressed. i'm stressed (most of) all the time. however, what's most important is that i am still in love with what i do. i am carving out precious time and brain cells to pursue it and propel myself further into art.

i love it and i hate it at the same time. i love it one day and want to write every day and want to paint and go out and explore and see sights and close my eyes and forget about everything. then i remember everything that i have to complete and finish and write, and all of those creativity color splatters kind of get painted over with thick, black acrylic. 

i guess i just wanted to blah blah blah away. i guess that's what this is for.

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when you're freaking stressed out

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/ illustrations that stress me out + by the great mouni feddag /

hey ho hi there. as you can probably tell from the title of this post, i'm very much stressed out. today marks the (second to) last day of our first full week to my second full year of high school. i've been in school for approximately 104.3 hours and i am already stressed. like woah, i need to take chill pill and just eat a bag of ice or something. 

and the worst part about it? i have no idea why the heck i'm stressed out. i feel like i'm tripping and falling over myself a hundred times. i feel like my brain is not grasping the information that it needs to grasp in order to succeed in the tenth grade. oh yeah, i even forgot that i'm sixteen now because i'm so stressed out. and on top of that: for some reason, i chose to do so many extracurriculars this year! hurrah! yeah! homework! stuff! writing! studying! stressing more because you know there's no such thing as too much stress!!

i hate to write stuff like this here, but i feel like its necessary to do so in my vigorous efforts to de-stress (current status: not really working yet). if you're a visual learner and need some visual representations of me right now you can go ahead and click here. if you want to see how i'm currently studying for english, read on.

writing about my problems here is a catharsis for me. classical tragedies were a social good because they caused an emotional cleansing among society. venting is my emotional cleansing; however, artistotle would not like the tragedy that is my life because it is way too long and not really a tragedy at all because i haven't died yet for my unintentional wrongs. the end.

don't stress out, kids. stay un-stressed.

your friend,

izzy

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things i've learned + jazz camp

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unfortunately, i didn't take many pictures at campus, so you're going to have to deal with more portland photographs (disgusting, i know...)

i was pretty weary of going to camp; but, what's new? i'm pretty weary about doing anything.

so that small worry that started on monday grew like an epidemic until wednesday and most likely caused all of the innumerable health issues i had this week.

i don't even know what i was worrying about. probably stuff i shouldn't be worrying about... like always.

but despite the fact that this flaw pretty much f*cked up most of my week, i learned some things too. 

and trust me, camp was in so many ways more awesome than it was stressful (as i believed i've accidentally implied above).

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i've learned that (music-wise + life-wise) 

...practicing for 15 minutes every day can get you places (even if that is all you can fit into your terrible high school schedule)

...worrying = terrible thing to put yourself through. don't do it.

...at the end of day (literally at the end of the day for campers), you just have to let go and some of your best sounds and music will become of it. (reiterating the "stress = bad" logic)

...the people that you meet now could be the people you'll encounter (probably in new york city) later (and you'll probably have to host some of them. i'm getting ready now!!)

...listening to depressing music at dinner can make you feel like crap for a few long minutes, but can actually urge you to play better throughout the night (who knew?!)

...talking to new people = fantastic

while all of these things pretty much apply to me and jazz camp, if you take them out of context, they are relevant to every-day-social-life-things-you-should-be-doing-anyway qualities. so this applies to everyone.

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so to wrap this all up, i'm going to share my favorite albums and selective songs from the slowly rising jazz world for all of my new camp followers out there (and to my already existing ones, of course). au revoir for now.

songs from the analog playground - charlie hunter quartet

favorite songs/ mitch better have my bunny, percussion shuffle, creol

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fact finding mission - trichotomy

favorite songs/ strom, fact finding mission

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the gentle war - trichotomy

favorite songs/ chase, wrestle, cute

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the house that trane built - various artists

favorite songs/ stolen moments, alamode, hard work

have a great week, everyone!

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i think i've made it

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“1. iced coffee for summer / 2. raspberry sorbet for aesthetic / 3. pool scenes / 4. 4D tesseract in 3D / 5. celebrate! / 6. the view from abby’s”

yesterday was my last day of classes of my first year of high school. it doesn't even feel like it's ended, but rather that it's just starting all over again. bad? meh. i think it's time that i reflected on 10 things that have happened this year, (like i did last year).

1. i turned 15
2. i started and finished my first year of high school
3. i became comfortable with wearing a uniform every day (yep.)
4. i started a plant-based diet (yeah!go vegetables!)
5. i got hired for my first real photography commission (it never really went through...)
6. i became comfortable with not having extra time to do the stuff i want to do
7. i learned that it's good to keep in touch with old friends
8. i learned that speaking up for myself is extremely valuable
9. i realized that baking (although tedious at times) is a stress-reliever
10. i grasped that i really take sleeping for granted

so yeah. 10 things that definitely weren't as deep as last year, but, you know, it's still constructive. 

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so. for the final moments before summer, i will share some cool stuff things magic thingamabobs:

/ such a cool air purifier + planter + design piece 

/ beet tart tart tart

/ 2-ingredient buckwheat pancakes (bc PANCAKES)

/ i'm very intrigued by this instagram

/ chill sounds

/ i dig this

have a fabulous weekend, everyone.

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