raw keto hemp seed brownies

i finally feel 18. it's a weird feeling as i'm writing this between photos of raw brownies. i feel older and like i have a better sense of what's going on. nonetheless, do i actually really know what's going on? not really.

but i don't have to know what's going on all the time. i don't have to know where i'm going exactly. this is all weird thought processes of adult-dom that's going on in my head right now as college decisions are strangely and unexpectedly around the corner. 

anyway, it's "essentially" spring break right now, meaning that it's exam week but, for me, with the non-existence of exams. so, 3 weeks of freedom here i come. 

i've had a lot of time to think and hang out at home with my parents and my dog and cook and bake and photograph and just do things that i want to do.

it's refreshing once in awhile.

anyways, going back to 1-8. eighteen. "legal adult". able-to-fly-by-myself person. voter. woah.

it's funny, i was reading something i wrote back in 2014 when i didn't feel like a teen yet. how is it possible that just four years ago i didn't even feel like a teenager. and now i feel like an (albeit young) adult? what??? 

i feel comfortable, and i know that that's all going to go away in a few months.

i finally feel like i know where i am (who i am??) and it's all too late before i leave. 

but maybe it's not. maybe it's all supposed to work out like this and i will evolve and settle and grow again. just not here. in california. 

*end of existential crisis speak*

onto the elusive raw brownie. where do i begin. i've made raw brownies in the past, and usually the main ingredient is medjool dates. 

but sugar spikes and bouncing off walls and gi upset (for me)-- so i present, no-date raw brownies. these ooey gooey chocolatey brownies are incredible. 

they have the nutty taste of the hemp seeds (which also give a boost of protein) and the creamy taste of almond butter. it's a health chocolate-almond butter bomb. essentially.

no-date raw brownies

serves 6

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what you need

for the brownies

• 3/4 cup fine almond flour
• 1/2 cup hemp seeds
• 3 tablespoons cocoa powder (i used valhrona)
• 1/4 cup unsweetened almond butter
• 2 tablespoons coconut oil, melted
• 1 tablespoon coconut flour
• 2 tablespoons monk fruit sugar (or just normal sugar if you're not about that life)
• 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
• pinch of salt

for the ganache (optional)

• 1/4 cup cocoa powder
• 1/4 cup coconut oil
• 2 tablespoons monk fruit maple syrup (or just, ya know, normal maple syrup
• 2 tablespoons almond butter
• pinch of salt

what you do

for the brownies

1. blend everything together in a food processor

2. press into a corner of a bread pan (since this is a half recipe)

3. refrigerate or freeze for 10 minutes while preparing the ganache

for the ganache

1. blend together all the ingredients until you get a smooth cream

2. add more cocoa powder if it’s to liquidy

3. pour over your refrigerated brownies and let it set in the fridge

4. cut and enjoy

happy happy st. patty's day.

⌇ 

seeded crackers + ricotta

it's 11:30am. yesterday i got this intense feeling inside to make seeded crackers. i'm not eating bread that much (i.e. following lchf via minimalmeals), but nonetheless i felt like i was missing some sort of cheese or butter (not gonna lie, it would be weird) vehicle for breakfasts and lunches and snackage-s. hmm. 

someone whose food i have admired for a little while is elle, who is the epitome of awesome paleo-ish low carb eating. maybe i'll make a post about why i'm eating this way as well. it's a long story of combatting ibs-like symptoms and years of impatience. keto solved that, (more to come).

anyways, i made elle's wonderful seeded crackers with a few modifications and they are crunchy and coconut oil fragrant-y (along with gluten free and paleo) and, yes, the perfect vehicle for my ricotta open-faced sandwich thing for breakfast this morning.

and with that, i will share with you the recipes for both.

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seeded crackers

serves ~20 large crackers

what you do

1. preheat oven to 300˚F

2. mix together dry ingredients in a large bowl. add boiling water and melted coconut oil. 

3. mix together again until well combined. let sit for 5-10 minutes so that the chia seeds can absorb the water.

4. scoop up half the doll and roll out 1 half at a time. between 2 pieces of parchment paper, roll out each half as thinly as possible without breaking up the dough. remove top layer of parchment before putting in the oven.

5. on the bottom rack, bake the rolled out cracker dough for 30 minutes at 300˚F (checking every 15 minutes to make sure it doesn't burn) and then 20 minutes at 240˚F. 

6. leave in the oven to dry and harden up for at least another 30 minutes. 

7. break into pieces and store in a container

what you need

• 1/3 cup + 1 tablespoon almond flour
• 1/3 cup pumpkin seeds
• 1/3 cup sunflower seeds
• 1/3 golden flax seeds
• 1/3 black sesame seeds
• 1 tablespoon psyllium husk powder
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 2 tablespoons chia seeds
• 1/4 teaspoon caraway seeds
• 1/4 cup coconut oil, melted
• 1 cup boiling water

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ricotta open-faced cracker sandwiches

serves 1

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what you do

1. prep your 7-minute egg

2. on the large crackers, evenly divide and spread the ricotta. season with salt and pepper. drizzle with some good olive oil.

3. (essentially, because ricotta is the main star here) garnish the crackers with the zucchini, carrots, salmon and egg. season again. drizzle with olive oil again (if you're like me).

4. enjoy the messy goodness

what you need

• 1-2 of elle's crackers (see above)
• 3 tablespoons fresh ricotta cheese
• thinly sliced zucchini (i used a vegetable peeler to achieve this
• carrots, cut finely
• 1-2oz fresh smoked salmon
• 7-minute egg
• drizzle of olive oil
• salt & pepper

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happy sunday, everyone.

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i'm a sucker for avocado toast

from sunday in brooklyn

charred avocado toast, wheatgrass, pickled onion, sprouts, radish, chili oil + 6-minute egg

it is a very ironic love, since i used to hate avocado way back when. 

i'm against ordering it when i'm eating out because it's so easy to make at home. 

anyway.

here's the thing about avocado toast (and like most of my recipes), it doesn't really need a recipe. you just throw some avocado toast on a slice of bread and then mush it together and badabing-badaboom you have that so wildly-adored avo toast. even though i'm telling you this, i'm going to give you a recipe on how i make my avocado toast anyways. sometimes you just need a little help.

izzy's favorite avocado toast

serves 1

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what you do

1. here's the deal. you must toast your bread to crunchy perfection. i prefer a crunchy exterior and soft interior. up to you. or make some sweet potato toast by toasting up 2 slices of your lovely sweet potato as you would normal bread.

2. cut your avocado. dice it? slice it? i personally am a fan of the avocado rose method or something kind of like that (i.e. image 3 of this post).

3. using either a mandolin or very sharp knife, slice a small radish into circles about 1/8" thick (or as thin as you can go). put aside.

4. do you like eggs? i do. if you're feeling love for an egg, fry one up in a tablespoon of olive oil on medium-high heat. make sure it doesn't burn. make sure it is crispy. 

5. assemble: toasted bread on a plate. avocado rose (or something like it) gently placed on top. sprinkle of sesame seeds, chili flakes, salt. the juice of half a lime. those thin radishes. and a hot crispy egg on top. ah yeah.

what you need

• 1 slice ezekiel bread (i like sesame) or 2 "slices" of sweet potato
• 1/2 of a perfectly ripe avocado
• small radish of your choosing
• sesame seeds
• chili flakes
• salt
• 1/2 lime
• (1 egg and 1 tablespoon of olive oil)

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i laughed writing this. god, i'm weird.

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found artists: jonathan higbee

“over the years i have been able to develop my eye and sense of anticipation to more easily spot uncanny coincidences...

"...but every once in a while my gut will tell me that some element i’ve come across on the street has potential to become a successful image,

"...even if it’s nothing special just yet.”

i've always loved coincidences.

although seemingly methodically constructed, planned, oriented, and too-good-to-be-true, jonathan higbee's images are instead a result of patience and a good eye. 

"coincidences is my love letter to new york, and to the infinite number of magical, ephemeral and serendipitous moments that make it a city unlike any other."

higbee's work is quite literally the kind of work i wish i could do, using the kind of skills i wish i had. patience? not really there yet. 

being able to make something very real be magical (which i think is what these photos are for me) is an ability i can only hope to achieve. or, at least, learn to garner. 

coincidences are the best kind of instances. (i meant that rhyme and i am sorry). they are irreplicable and serendipitous, and that's what makes them special.

and my god, when you get them on camera, you will treasure them forever.

happy snow day.

⌇ 

i'm learning

image by haleyisokay

i'm learning.

two weeks ago there was a mass shooting in parkland, florida. i'm ashamed to have only just felt this intense urge to do something now, after so many other tragedies.

i'm inspired and empowered by the voices of my fellow teenagers. the survivors of parkland have transformed and gained hold of the national dialogue. in those two short weeks, they've already enacted change.

i'm learning to use my voice too.

i'm learning to become more educated on our country's current standing on gun control among about other issues that i am passionate about (of which, at times, it seems there are too many). 

i'm learning to call my state and local reps and communicate my own views.

i'm learning to break the boundary of doing, beyond planning, beyond hypotheticals. 

vote! organize. walk. scream. march. debate. and continue.

i'm learning to do all of these things. i'm finding the power to do all of these things. 

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the blackest black

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photography by luke hayes

there's been a lot of chatter with the winter olympics starting tomorrow. 

in the midst of all of that, i stumbled upon this pavilion designed by asif khan using that chemical substance that absorbs almost all (99.965%) of radiation of the visual spectrum.

vantablack.

it's a visual black hole and completely disrupts three dimensional space. though, it adds elements of it back with the assorted star-lights outside.

“from a distance the structure has the appearance of a window looking into the depths of outer space. as you approach it, this impression grows to fill your entire field of view. so on entering the building, it feels as though you are being absorbed into a cloud of blackness."

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on happiness

from an excerpt i wrote in my journal this morning:

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maybe i'm saying all of this because i'm on winter break.

well.

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twenty seventeen

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according to some weird website, these were my top nine photographs on instagram this year – (ironically) selected by which ones received the most likes. they're far from my best photos that i've taken this year, or the ones that mean the most to me, at least. 

hello.

it's been a long year. i'm done with my lists of things that have happened in the spans of time between each time i write. i think. gosh, it's been a long year. 

i feel like the end of 2017 and the beginning of 2018 is the firsts of lasts (or maybe even the lasts of firsts), if that makes sense. i told my mom in november that this is my last thanksgiving living at home. i told her the other day that this is my last christmas living at home. i'm living my last december, january, and february of high school. i already had my last birthday at home. the walls in my room are slowly filling up with the last photos of my time in new york. i'm going to have my first last prom. and my first last graduation. 

it's weird. 

in this lull of time – of waiting time – until the end of the year, i feel like i'm just wasting time. wasting time all the time. i'm doing things, like school work, but even that seems empty in a way. i think anticipation is killing me. 

i started volunteering at an animal shelter. i started drawing again (the last time, if you remember, was in 8th grade). i might sign up for an art class a few times during the week. i'm trying to start a notebook (but, so far unsuccessfully) again. i'm listening to new music. that doesn't feel empty. even though i'm filling empty time with old things. 

i'm not getting nostalgic yet. 

it's snowing outside.

that's nostalgia. 

here are my hand-selected songs that i listened to the most in 2017. izzy of 2018, listen to these if you want a glimpse back in time. 

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biggest little city

i went to reno last weekend.

i saw my friends that i never get to see.

we recorded music.

i climbed a snowy hill.

i fell into the snow. purposefully. 

i was in arizona for a few hours.

i think i cried at some point. i probably won't see them again for a while.

love you guys.

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a color study: orange

axel oswith | othello grey | dan rubin | faithcouch | mike lyon | ferrian reynaldi | motokimokito | lukasph | yumna

i have been in a creative rut recently. i'm trying to get back into photography again after my 2 month-long hiatus in the fall. (remember that documentary i'd been working on?). i've been curating images a lot. i've done a curation in the past of parallel images of people and weird things on the street. 

but let's start new. 

here's orange. 

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on another note, i haven't talked about what's going on in my life lately. it's almost december. thanksgiving is over. fall is (close to) being over. i'm in the midst of senior life and nearing the end of my teenagedom. what???

i just finished my senior yearbook page. 

i just submitted my college applications.

i just turned eighteen. 

i just made a movie. 

i just presented in front of a board of trustees.

i just got my driver's license. heck, i can drive.

i just booked my own flight. 

i just started dancing.

i'm doing all these new things. i feel good. 

dear izzy of 2018, you did good in 2017.

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loud quiet, a documentary

it's here: my individual study project to cap the end of the beginning of my senior year of high school. ready?

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from a small portion of my process paper (translated to be all lower case, of course):

outside of school, i am an artist, a photographer. for me, photography is a form of self-expression; because of this, it is meaningful to share my art with others. in this age, social media is the obvious medium to share my art. social platforms have given me the opportunity to express myself through photography and writing to others: i often write posts about art and "teenagedom" (here) on my blog, i make short films on my Youtube, and i post a lot of photography on my instagram. but i am conflicted because they have also tempted me into creating art for the sake of self-promotion and "likes" instead of for the purpose of expressing my authentic self.

until ninth grade, i kept my followers in mind when i photographed. i strategically figured out what sort of photographs received more "likes," changing my subjects to fit the trend: photos of hands, marble backgrounds, pictures of food, new york skylines, avocados, and selfies were most popular at the time.

my public prominence grew, and i felt a sense of fulfillment despite the fact that i valued the views of others more than my own.  

my authenticity had gotten overwhelmed by my self-promotion on social media.

to search for purity and honesty in this platform, i wanted to study the purity of self-expression in another medium… architecture; specifically, the work of mexican architect luis barragán.

throughout his career, barragán used inexpensive and simple materials such as wood and brightly colored stucco and focused on the interaction of his work with nature and light. in a time of ostentatious art––of the ornate surrealism of frida kahlo and savador dalí––luis barragán achieved a clarity of vision through plainness.

i wanted to study the art of luis barragán because i was struggling with my own self-expression on social media. the simplicity of his work inspired me to think differently, in a way that valued authenticity through simple rather than elaborate expression.

.   .   .

my satisfaction level for my documentary fluctuated throughout my study. over the past nine weeks, i would estimate that i have spent more than forty accumulated hours on this project, most of which were creating the video itself. thus, i felt unsatisfied and somewhat disappointed with my work around the seventh week of production. i had seen my video so many times that i had lost sight of its significance and weight. only when i began to show it to my friends, my school's faculty, and eventually my school's alumnae, was i reminded of its importance and value. it is somewhat ironic, in light of the message of Loud Quiet, that i needed this satisfaction by other people to realize the worth of my project. however, i did not create this project for the intention to garner that satisfaction. so, i guess that I really have changed after all.

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cheers to simplicity.

yours,

izzy

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the wonder woman

image by actually

yayoi kusama is like no other.

she is a woman that instills a sense of wonder through her art. 

she obscures a person's perception of light and space and depth to transport them to a new place of light and space and depth. she reminds me of james turrell in that way a little.

and that fascinates me.  

though, turrell really focuses on your perception of one object or thing – kusama focuses your perception of everything. 

for me her art is fractals: indefinitely detailed but also complex within the greater perspective.

she uses chandeliers to achieve this in her work chandeliers of grief:

Yayoi Kusama Chandelier of Grief, 2016 Installation, Yayoi Kusama 25 May – 30 July 2016 Victoria Miro

“My art originates from hallucinations only I can see. I translate the hallucinations and obsessional images that plague me into sculptures and paintings.”

image by architectural digest

image by sharjah art foundation

for yayoi kusama, everything is dots.

and those dots simplify the world. 

“Since my childhood, I have always made works with polka dots. Earth, moon, sun and human beings all represent dots; a single particle among billions.”

i thought it was interesting that this perception reminded me of one of the main principles of the novel the swerve by stephen greenblatt. (first of all, you know that i am in full-on senior mode when i reference a summer reading book).

greenblatt says,

“Death is nothing to us. When you are dead – when the particles that have been linked together, to create and sustain you, [they] come apart...”

everything – people, matter, the things around us – is all made up of the same stuff. for kusama, life is dots, which in an abstract and artistic way, represent atoms.

image by itsnicethat

kusama is my wonder woman.

“The most important thing is that the world is facing many crises right now. We’re getting into the worst century in the history of my life. In this kind of era, I will be very happy if everyone can share a common view of human beings for peace in the future and love with the strongest hope. Everyone is an artist. I am going to fight for the world without nuclear bombs, war and terrorism. Let’s fight together. Let’s fight together.”

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eighteen

it's hard to believe i'm an adult now.

i can sign my own papers, take a flight by myself, vote. 

i am my own person now. legally. 

that's such a strange thing, and another addition to the growing whirlwind of growing-up-stuff i'm driving into.

i am not ready to go quite yet – i still have a whole year ahead of me. 

i will make the most out of what i have. i will make the most out of what i am given. i will make the most out of who i am. i will make the most out of eighteen.

i am eighteen now.

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hello, seniors

dear seniors,

hello.

it's a weird feeling isn't it? being back? we're entering this new realm of teenagedom and it feels strange. it feels like we're almost adults – we are almost adults – but there still exists this surreal barrier that we have to break through to get there. 

i won't be surprised if we spend our days writing away our life stories in the next few months, trying to explain our identities in only a limited number of words and numbers. 

two days in, it's already stressful. i want the best for all of you, even if i don't say it to you all the time. we're all going to get there, to adulthood or whatever that means. this will be hard, i know. but we'll get there.

there's going to be a lot of stuff to look forward to.

i'm excited for it all, and to spend our last months together with you guys.

cheers to us,

izzy

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things i did in august

images by gothamist

1. eat at gloria restaurant, nyc

fish and seafood galore a.k.a. my kind of place. 

the restaurant is small and humble, and the windows let in this really nice light. 

it was no surprise that every dish was stellar. really recommend if you love non-meat things and dashi-butter mushrooms.

–

images by melissa joulwan

2. make paleo oven-fried salmon cakes

with more time on my hands, i've been cracking down on trying new recipes.

these salmon cakes with almond flour and mashed sweet potato by melissa are actually so great. i stored them for a few days and re-fried them on a pan right out of the fridge. 

threw it on a salad, dressed it as a burger, ate one for a snack. 

–

image by carnegie museum of art

3. visit hélio oitica + history of protest at the whitney, nyc

honestly, whenever i go to the whitney i'm always at least a bit disappointed. 

but, last week was definitely an exception to that. my friend hannah and i roamed every floor, carefully and thoughtfully looking at every piece (especially those of the "incomplete history of protest" exhibit). 

first time in a long time that i was just in awe of an entire collection. 

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4. see dunkirk in 70mm

god, this film was spectacular, which is no surprise because of nolan and zimmerman's unified genius. every shot was stunning, every track was incredible, the entire interweaving of shots and events was brilliant.

i have no complaints. see it in 70mm. 

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5. binge-watch avant garde vegan on youtube

i actually did binged these videos this morning. 

i'm not a vegan anymore, but i have loved gaz oakley's recipes nonetheless. the kitchen in this squash risotto video is goals. 

happy august, everyone.

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a whole month went by

hi,

it's been a good long while.

i've been traveling around the u.s. and abroad for various reasons... mostly preparing myself for the year ahead as i take on applying to college. 

yeah, i'm applying to college this year.

i don't really believe it either. 

i'm slowly realizing how much i'm growing up. not completely, but a little more fast that i'd like. 

i think i'm going to be ready though. i'm ready for a new push into life and a slow close of what i think is adolescence. 

i've been writing a lot, just not here obviously – supplements and essays and drafts about me and who i am. that's a bit weird... a quite large portfolio of autobiographical writing. 

i went out today with my friend and took photos for the first time in a long time. i've never actually done street photography before. this was my first shot at it. i kind of love it. 

summer's halfway over. i'm just a little ways there.

love, 

izzy

⌇

banana pancakes for the win

why don't you listen to one of my favorite songs about banana pancakes by while we take off on this journey through my absolute love and joy for the world of pancakes.

ah yes, pancakes. a joy, a beauty, a grace, a special hole in my heart filled.

there's something so perfect, ya know, about their fluffiness, sweetness, toppings, and stack-ability. a treat of all shapes and sizes and colors and complexities. wow. 

and no appreciation post for this beloved food could go without a video on the art of its creation. hello, buzzfeed tasty - the only thing from them that i actually enjoy.

don't laugh at me.

anyways, oohs and ahhs aside, my pancakes are also pretty awesome.

i got a little inspiration from jeannette who used collagen powder in her pancakes for a little bit of skin + hair boost. 

these are kind of like your average 1 egg + 1 banana pancakes, but better. i've tried those pancakes countless times and i never got them really right. these were 💯.

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best banana pancakes

serves 1

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what you do

1. add everything in a small bowl and mash away with a fork until there are small chunks of banana left

2. i sort of do a last whip with the fork just to make sure everything is combined

3. heat a pan on medium heat with some coconut oil spray. once hot (check by dropping some water on the pan and seeing if it sizzles), spoon various heaping tablespoons into the pan. 

4. cook through (they don't really bubble around the edges, so watch closely) and flip. repeat.

5. stack, serve with almond butter and bananas like me, or just some plain maple (though it's sweet enough already, fyi)

what you need

• 1 medium banana
• 1 large egg
• 1 scoop collagen powder (i use this)
• 1 tablespoon almond butter/pb
• 1/4 teaspoon baking powder
• dash of vanilla
• dash of cinnamon

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go give these a go!!!!!!!

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r/AccidentalWesAnderson

isle of capri motel, new jersey. 

sketch restaurant, london

petra, jordan

ostel hotel, east berlin

wildwood crest, new jersey

rhone glacier, switzerland

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i have an obsession with wes anderson and reddit. i love fantastic mr. fox and moonrise kingdom and the grand budapest hotel, but especially fantastic mr. fox. i feel like each setting of each film is intentional in the grander color scheme of the entire work (as i'm sure every director tries to achieve -- but most obvious in wes anderson films). 

i love the pastels and the tones and the "is this real or am i just dreaming?" feel of all of his works that can't really be replicated anywhere else. it's surreal. wes makes fantasy in real places, a dreamy reality. 

naturally, when i found the subreddit r/AccidentalWesAnderson i was reminded of how magical the real world can actually be, according to what magical means in the world of wes anderson.

these places exist. these colors exist, and i want to have the chance to explore all of them.

"that's the kind of movie that i like to make, where there is an invented reality and the audience is going to go someplace where hopefully they've never been before. the details, that's what the world is made of." - wes anderson

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dear papa,

thank you for everything.

enjoy your papas and sundays everyone.

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chia! chia! chia!

okay. this is not really a recipe at all. 

for some reason i really love chia pudding. it's light, filling, and it's a do-whatever-the-heck-you-want-with-it kind of breakfast.

as i'm watching sense8 and writing this post, i realize that chia pudding is actually pretty awesome. the seeds themselves are full of fiber, healthy omega-3 and omega-6 fats, protein, and super cool vitamins like calcium. 

i also like to just eat vanilla pudding and drink my coffee in the mornings. it's the perfect summer breakfast.

you should try it.

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really-can't-mess-this-up chia pudding

serves 1

-

what you need

• 3 tablespoons chia seeds
• 3/4 cup unsweetened almond milk
• cinnamon? almond butter? cacao powder? orange zest? matcha? you name it.
• berries
• nuts
• seeds
• maple syrup
• patience

what you do

1. stir together chia seeds and unsweetened almond milk (and your selected mix-ins) in a small jar or mug. cover and put in the fridge for approx. 3 hours or overnight.

2. uncover. serve with fruit, nuts, and seeds of your choice. drizzle with maple syrup. sprinkle with love.

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